As a child, I was not slender and trim. I was a “meat and potatoes” kind of girl according to one doctor’s statement to my mother. At the time, I took it as a compliment, but in reality, the doctor was telling my mother to make sure I didn’t overdo it because I had the potential to go from meat and potatoes to…Holy Crap!
Grade school was the place I discovered I was different. I wasn’t one of the popular girls and I really wanted to be but I played like a boy would rough and tough, I talked too loud and I dressed in jeans and t-shirts that were built for function not fashion.
High School was where I learned that I was “fat and disgusting, a whale, pig, hippo” and a variety of other heavy animals. Thank you high school classmates for those nuggets of wisdom, they are forever embedded in my head. While it may have seemed like no big deal to you, it was a VERY big deal to me and I learned how to hate my body, my face, and everything about who I was.
I’m not placing blame, I’m merely pointing out where I learned how to hate who I am. It wasn’t magazines and television implanting the ideas, it was simply the cruel taunts of my peers who had no idea the damage they were causing.
I loathed all of them and I loathed myself, but somehow I survived it and moved on. I lost weight but I always saw the fat girl in the mirror. I’m pretty sure that is all I will ever see, even if I was the perfect slender, healthy weight.
I have to practice saying nice things about myself and I have to do it while staring in the mirror and seeing all the flaws. It’s a technique that does work, but right now, I can only stand there for a moment or two before the age-old negative thoughts pop in telling me that I’m worthless and fat and not worth enough to make a difference to anyone.
Day 3 : 1352 steps 305lbs
Day 4 : 1653 steps 303lbs
MY ADIPOSE & ME 