When I was in my younger years, I would have been humiliated if I wore clothing that was too tight or to put on a shirt that emphasized my “love handles”. In today’s society, this doesn’t seem to bother women or men very much. I’m not sure if it’s simply because we are teaching tolerance and acceptance to the younger generation or if it’s because society itself has a waistline that is so much larger than it was back in those days. Women today wear whatever they please whether it fits well or not. This goes against everything I’ve conditioned myself to believe. I hide the muffin top – they flaunt it!
I find it difficult to believe the bullying and teasing aren’t horrible in schools however, I am remember my days in high school. The fear of walking down the hall where all the popular and beautiful slender people where hanging out, the loathing of getting up in front of the class to give a speech and see them all snickering and giving each other “the look”. I entered high school unsure of myself and by the time I graduated I hated myself because this normal teenage teasing and taunting of the fat girl had convinced me that I was unworthy and would never find love because I was FAT. I would see other large women and silently judge them and thank the skies that I wasn’t “that” bad. I was ashamed of having to shop in the Women’s section because the teen fashions were too small for me and I was mortified to go into the Plus size stores like Lane Bryant or Catherine’s. There was one store that was named “Ample Duds” and it made me cringe every time I even thought about it. (In fact I’m cringing right now) I had become prejudice against myself.
I look back at pictures now and realize that I was not fat, I just wasn’t skinny.
Now, 30 plus years in the future, I still have reservations about going to look for clothes. Wal-Mart is cheap, but their clothing is geared towards making the big girl look frumpy. Its functional and while there are slight attempts at prettying it up, the less ample women continue to have a wider, more fashionable selection. Department stores are a step up in quality but I seriously do not want to wear clothing that looks like curtains and couch patterns of an elderly couple. I love the fashions at Lane Bryant, Catherine’s and Cato’s, they all carry the sizes for the people who eat their feelings. Cato’s is the most reasonable on the wallet and the challenge I face there is not “if” I find one top that will fit, but more like limiting myself to just one or two.
However, like most folks on a budget, I cannot afford to splurge on clothes of fashion when functional will do. Wal-mart has been supplying me with a range of random clothing for years. T-shirts and shorts are cheaper and bigger if you go to the men’s section and I don’t doubt that with the way the world is going, eventually they’ll be producing clothing that is gender-neutral!
Steps – roughly 3,000 a day
Weight – back up to 302lbs – thank you Mother Nature for the water weight gain every month coupled with cravings for junk food and chocolate.
MY ADIPOSE & ME 